I inhaled some fresh air and became toxic

Ever wondered why people complain a lot about their friends and relations being toxic,well the same thought popped in my head.I'm thinking how should i put this,its like I was on a nightwalk with my headphones in just to block out the noise of the world and suddenly my bizzare and utterly confusing thought process led me to a very thoughtful yet very weird thought,what if I'm the only one whose toxic and because of it my friends and relations are getting toxic.

        What if I have inhaled some fresh air and became toxic which is completely ironic as fresh air is supposed to clear your mind of intrusive thoughts and despicable feelings and yet in my case this all happens in a very disturbing way.

Let's dive into how my thought process led me to this fact,So what exactly comes to mind when you think about a person being toxic.For exampe if there is a person who doesn't exactly know what  toxic person is like and you ask him this question,his straight forward answer would be the person he hates most regardless if the person in reality is toxic or not,the hatered he feels might be because of envy or some past trauma not that it matters though.

          Yeah,so this reminds me of some quotes like, "I wonder how many people who don't even know me will hate me just because someone else described me to them".This shows us the judgemental and envoius side of the society.People will judge you based on others opinion about you.

Okay,now lets wrap up this giber-jaber and back to main topic about how inhaling some fresh air,made me toxic.

My life's kinda full of random moments and a complete chaos leading to a very true fact about how I developed my thought process. But there's a silver lining to it, Not knowing what's gonna happen the next is kind of interesting and also nerve racking.

Now you might wondering how a chaotic and random life can be lived,its easy to explain, let's take the assistance of Chaos Theory.

Chaos theory states that within the apparent randomness of chaotic complex system[My life]

there are underlying patterns,interconnections,constantfeedback loops,repetetion,

self-similarity,fractals and self-organizations.

                 Let's put this through a perspective of s human mind.This persepctive suggests that seemingly small life events can have a large impact on psycology,mental health and behaviour.The perspective also argues that life is uncertain and that people shoud have compassion on themselves during times of transition and look for ways to adopt and grow.

             Now you might be wondering why this dude just made you read the entire refrence about chaos theory with absolutely no related example,that is true but this just show how easily i manipulated you to read about chaos theory.

       Sorry about that,now let's relate with an example there are many events in our life which are siginificantly small but can change the outcome or future of our life in its entirety. The classic example is when you randomly meet a stranger and that stranger becomes your best friend for life,so meeting the stranger was a small event but that had a significant impact on your life.Let's say you were listening to a song,you liked it but forgot to add it to your playlist and also you forgot its name and now that you can't listen to it again has a effect on your mood.This is a classic example of butterfly effect which is part of chaos theory.This effect explains how a small fluctuation in one condition of nonlinear deterministic system can generate a huge difference in later outcomes.

                       This all relates to me because of all the major and minor mistakes i did in my life.I inhaled some fresh air and  became toxic is exactly true because i became toxic to myself because of the slight changes I made in my enviornment,I grew up not having many friends that led me to develop some bizzare skills like reading body language and getting a idea about their thought process.I'm not afraid of people being toxic to me but rather me being toxic to them,I live in a constant fear of people rejecting me and that's why I'm alway alone.

     I don't have a idea about how you should live your life or in reality how exactly do you need to live but I do know one thing, people are not born toxic,they are made toxic. But still they'll hate you for who you are.What exactly I meant by fresh air is the vast experinece I gained from life,about the reality of this world and also by reading about incidents that happen all around the world.

                 All this makes you question your life choices,were they good ? so far my life choices were equally good and bad. My life choices are the yin and yang of my life I have lived so far,and my toxic trait is that I do not focus on making good choices and regret the bad ones.

This is all for now,

Signing off -    The Idiomatic Idiot